the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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