Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
...so i touched it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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