so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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