she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize