Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize