billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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