Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Randomize