dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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