went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
