The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
