question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
