Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
