Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
