I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
