Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
