So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
