like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
