I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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