I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
