My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
