Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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