So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
