Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
