I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
