So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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