Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize