I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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