Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
