just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
