Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
