Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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