i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize