I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
