fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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