Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
