i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
