Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
