If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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