come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
