Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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