Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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