If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
