Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
did i just pee glitter
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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