3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
