my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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