there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
