Screwed.edu
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
