dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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