i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
