I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
