You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
