zippers are such a cool invention
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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