Your mouth is God's brothel.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
