but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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