My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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