Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
