Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
