I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
