he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize