508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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