Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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