She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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