Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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