I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
