I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
