I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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