Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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