Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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