if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
