My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am one with the molecules
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
