Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
