It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
