I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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