Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
