just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
