I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
