New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
