'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
