i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
